im feeling bad...real bad and guilty!

Jus started feeling guilty, i've been causin everyone around me so much pain...this isnt wat i wanted to be! i really don wanna be the one to be causin dad a depression. I'm finding it hard already to cope with life in general, omg wat have i become!? what was i expecting from life? fair treatment??? hw dumber could i get? everythins ruined over nothin!! i found this poem online and loved it ... so here it goes....

What Do They Know by Tima Chavis

I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.

They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.

When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.

In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.

The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.

In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.

Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?

In the end I gave him up, but inside still sing his song.

I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.

If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.

They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.

But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?

I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.

Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.

I saw him just today and his smile is still the same.

He looked at me so sweetly, but never spoke my name.

I wonder if he remembers me, It hasn't been that long.

He may have forgotten me, but I still sing his song.

this may seem more like a love poem.... but reflect me in more thn a million ways.... im alone here fr change but i dont think certain things change in life even wit time.or do they? people have started talkin .... n all it does is further damage.. do they even have a need to think from someone else's shoes? Its just that dad is damn depressed and that really hurts,,life is become such a question..i mean totally clueless , i cn go ahead jus the way i am, i know ive totally lost my originality, myself, dignity, my pride , chastity, name it and m clueless as to wat it is! thats the way ive become, so indecisive, so scared to make even small decisions, and i know i don have the luxury of being insane , i know i have to gather myself and act with sanity atleast for sake of dad n mum... dad isnt as normal, i mean he is always sad, complaining, and depressed and currently has a very low self esteem. I know causing him trouble at a stage he is mellowing down is pure torture, but i did all i could. Im so sorry people. to all those ive intentionally or unintentionally hurt in life...