low self esteem actually maturity!

oh today ive just been challenged by myself, atleast by what i thought was a part of me... my love of my life jus pointed out where i had gone wrong! i mean its not such a bad thing to know where uve gone wrong but it being mentioned in such a manner after such long time i feel is quite irrelevant and hurting. guess what i was told " had u resisted the other day u'd be married and settled by now! wll dats if not the whole truth but a huge delay it seems for the info to have reached me... well its funny tht i have to vow to myself , well actually against myself (funny isnt it?)that i will live a life to ur envy and prove it tht im nt tht easy ! but he promised tht he'd be there for me fr life! like it mattered now, i am all the more shattered by his revealing certain truth lik this , and all his drinkin behavior which i think is gettin out of hand each day. there ws this thing he mentioned bout ppl talking ill of me! which i think is his underestimation of my status! earlier this day i clearly thot it was a matter of maturity when he mentioned tht i was "bloody 25 yrs!" and thn hw if he dint value me he wouldnt have talked wit me! now tht made me feel lik i had no self esteem nor dignity... i actually find it all the more funny to be pening down stuff lik this but i had no way out so this ws a kinda outlet to such silly stuff,well i guess i gotta somehow get myself outta this shit, atleast the emotionally dependent part. hope god stays wit me!